So Many Jews

Emily: I was talking to my dad today about hanging plants for my dorm, and he recommended one and if i remember correctly it was called the Spreading Jew. Or the Climbing jew... Sprawling jew.. Maybe he was making it up...

Ben can't spell alcohol.

Tess: We're watching a nasty video about burn victims and I want some raspberries so bad but those thoughts are unrelated. 

Blame it on the alchohol

Matt: Whiskey+Main event= awesome experience
Ben: You= My hero


...Later


Ben: How was drunk Main Event?
Matt: I don't give a damn about my reputttatttioonn!!!

Sweet Teeth

Sam: My dentist is this asian man who tells me I have perfect beautiful teeth. I want to say "You fucker! I know I have cavities, it hurts to eat cupcakes!"

In regard to getting wisdom teeth removed:

Rachel: If I'm not at risk for developing an opiate addiction, they didn't give me enough pain pills. 

I have a feeling that this is only the beginning.

Ben: Dude it's four and I've had that many drinks. What's going to happen tonight? I can't keep this up.

Ew

Rachel: I just burped fishoil. Foul.

His academic team is in semi-finals

Eric: So I have this old box from when I bought a belt, a Tiffany box. In a bag in my closet. So it's like a little Tiffany shopping bag with the box in it. And the box is padded and has a nice little cloth bag in it. And I put a Grateful Dead logo on the inside of said box. With Flareon from Pokemon in the middle of it. Because my piece is named Flareon.

Rachel: At what point of this story does your loser coefficient reach infinity?

Eric: Well, its full name is Flareon, Fire on the Mountain.

Rachel: Oh. At that point.

Close to home

Rachel: Do you realize how self-aggrandizing we are?

The Fourth Wall

Ben: I need to go to bed.
Rachel: No, you can't leave me.
Ben: No, seriously. You don't know what I was just thinking about.
Rachel: What were you think about?
Ben: I was thinking about how my facebook profile referenced my facebook profile being pretentious. It broke the fourth wall.
Rachel: I just laughed so hard.
Ben: Then I started thinking about whether or not facebook even had a fourth wall, because of the nature of facebook.
Rachel: This means you need to stay up as long as you type your internal dialouge.
Ben: Why, because I'm a fucking idiot and that entertains you?
Rachel: Yes.

Oops

Kristen: Schnauser. Oh, wait. Wrong box.
Ben: Hahah.
Kristen: How the fuck do you spell that though? Like, the dog.

Origins

Content has been edited for grammar but otherwise has not been changed.

Conversation #1: Birth of the site.

Rachel (referring to Texts From Last Night ): I do sort of want these people's lives.
Ben: I know, right? I'm not nearly edgy enough.
Rachel: I'm not nearly alcoholic.
Ben: I'm enough of an alcoholic. I just drink in solitude. Which makes me more of an alcoholic than all these motherfuckers. We should make www.textsbetweenbenandrachel.com
Rachel: We don't text. But I'll make the website.
Ben: Cart before the hen. Er. I mean horse.
Rachel: Mixed metaphors. I do like the idea of a cart drawn by a hen though.
Ben: Cluckcart
Rachel: Solid

Conversation #2: Easy money
Rachel: Dude I have made 500 dollars in the last 2 days and I haven't done anything illegal or degrading!
Ben: Amazing. Are you donating your eggs?
Rachel: No, I wish. I tutored for an hour yesterday, 3 today. So that's 120. Got a 250 check from my grandparents for graduating, and cashed like 150 in work checks. I'm rollin'
Ben: Not til you score some E you're not.
Rachel: We're not even trying! We have a page of this shit!
Ben: Let the people hating us begin.

Conversation #3: Unrelated
Ben: Italian food in Jersey is cheap as shit.
Emily: That's how I like my Italian food. And my whores.