Middle Aged Crisis

Rachel: Can I tell you what my brain just thought?

Ben: Sure

Rachel: So, I go to the fridge and I'm about to grab a beer and then I stop myself and say "NO! I am not a middle aged man! I am not going to drink beers at 11 pm in front of my TV watching Family Guy!" And I was proud of myself, until I realized that I got ginger ale. So now I am an 80 year old man...

Ben: Hahah. I consider that a victory. 

Yo Quiero

Ben: It also proves my scientific theory that if you hear the word taco bell more than 5 times in a minute, you need taco bell in your belly. 

Hmm

Monica: It's Monday morning, what is wrong with us?
Ben: It's Sunday Morning
Monica: Oh...
Ben: I'm not sure if that makes this better or worse.

So Many Jews

Emily: I was talking to my dad today about hanging plants for my dorm, and he recommended one and if i remember correctly it was called the Spreading Jew. Or the Climbing jew... Sprawling jew.. Maybe he was making it up...

Ben can't spell alcohol.

Tess: We're watching a nasty video about burn victims and I want some raspberries so bad but those thoughts are unrelated. 

Blame it on the alchohol

Matt: Whiskey+Main event= awesome experience
Ben: You= My hero


...Later


Ben: How was drunk Main Event?
Matt: I don't give a damn about my reputttatttioonn!!!

Sweet Teeth

Sam: My dentist is this asian man who tells me I have perfect beautiful teeth. I want to say "You fucker! I know I have cavities, it hurts to eat cupcakes!"

In regard to getting wisdom teeth removed:

Rachel: If I'm not at risk for developing an opiate addiction, they didn't give me enough pain pills.